We all know the bicycle is the best invention since stone age man first lit a fire and rolled a wheel down the hill to celebrate. But, those who ride a bicycle are not necessarily as super-cool as they might believe. Cyclists can just be as irritating and annoying as anyone else.
Irritating types of cyclists, could include:
- Any cyclist with a better bike than you.
- Any cyclist who has more bikes that you.
- Any cyclist who overtakes you on a hill and says ‘jolly nice day’ pretending not to be even out of breath, when you know they are on the verge of collapsing when they get round corner.
- Any cyclist who is faster than you.
- Any cyclist who weighs less than you, despite eating more cake.
- Any cyclist who pretends to never do any training, but still manages to do a 200Km sportive in sub 6 hours.
- Anyone who starts an unofficial commuting race when you don’t want to get involved in such a petty unimportant thing.
- Anyone who beats me in an unofficial commuting race.
But, this is a more detailed list.
1. The Winter Racer
It’s the middle of winter and most of your clubmates are happy to settle for some steady winter miles with the odd teashop thrown in. However, the winter racer will turn up on his £3,000 carbon fibre mike (sans mudguards of course) and insist on sprinting for every road sign or these days invisible strava segments. The funny thing about the winter racer is that when the real racing starts in the middle of summer, they tend to evaporate or fail to race very quickly. Winter racers for the times which don’t matter.
2. The Tester who bores everyone rigid.

(Tester = time triallist). Time trialling can have a tendency to encourage a sort of obsessive behaviour. In particular, some testers will take any opportunity to regale you with their long history of their personal bests.
“…I set a 52:03 on the H25/8. Of course, if I’d had a 54 * 11 sprocket I’m sure I would have got a 51….”
In the old days you could settle for listening to pbs and perhaps the advantage of fixed wheel over gears, but these days we have power figures, and even CdA stats to throw in the equation. For every pb, there is now also a power pb. Not only will you hear all the times done, but also how much faster he could have gone, should power and optimal CdA be thrown into the equation.
3. The Urban Warrior

Maybe it is not fair to call these class of people cyclists – but they are certainly guilty of creating a bad image for all the other cyclists.. Urban warriors treat the road as an obstacle course. Red lights and one way signs are only part of the street furniture – something to be admired for their aesthetic beauty rather than being signals of when to stop. The urban warrior will charge along pavements and shout at anyone with the audacity to suggest he might have been in the wrong. The worst thing about the Urban Warrior is that every-time he gets on a bike, he spawns another 100 angry letters to the Daily Mail – ensuring cyclists are viewed with the same disdain usually reserved for slugs in a lettuce patch.
4. Mr Excuses

It was the headwind, sidewind, wrong bike, wrong choice of gears, too hilly, too early in the season, too late in the season, too hot, too cold, old war wound…. No matter what happens, Mr Excuses will always come up with a long list of excuses for why he didn’t do better / ride further. After listening to Mr Excuses, you really feel he could win the Tour de France, if only he wasn’t so cursed with bad luck and unfortunate mishaps. Of course, every racing cyclists is guilty of delving into the world of excuses.













