Cycling puns

Cycling puns

Fabio Aru went on the attack and took a large gap out of his main rivals. It led Carlton Kirby to comment.

“Like Napoleon, Aru has blown apart the race”.

In a blog post, it doesn’t seem so wild as it did at the time. But, it was just the way  the sentence was dropped into the stream of consciousness commentary without even a pause or even that moment of self-congratulatory laughter. It was like ‘Did I really just hear that?”

As a loyal reader reminds me who can forget the legendary “And Carpets is curtains as he goes out the back” (Vladamir Carpets)

This led onto more classics like: Carpets was going to go to move to Quick Step (former pro team), put perhaps he was worried they would walk all over him.

Some of the wheelie terrible cycling puns

“I like cyclists, who torque the talk.”



“So expensive to pump up your tyres these days, bloody inflation!”


donnington-end-cycle-pathDid you hear about the guy who punched a car for straying into a cycle lane?

He was a bit of a cycle-path



“I was suffering on the bike, so I punched my bicycle, but it hurt even more.

It’s a vicious cycle”


“Descending Hardknott Pass at 80mph, the cyclist tested positive for SPEED.”



drop bars not bombs.”

“Whoever sold me these handlebars needs to get a grip!”



One for 100 climbs – “Don’t ride upgrades, ride up grades.



“Why did the bicycle fall over?

It was two tired”


My mate is great on a unicycle, but struggles in social situations. He doesn’t like bars.


I’ve always been pro-farming.

In fact, you could say I’m


Credits: The internet, Carlton Kirby and some wheelie tired puns.

1 thought on “Cycling puns”

  1. Tip of the iceberg for Kirby alright. The only consolation is in the short silent moment in the commentary that follows…you know Sean Kelly or Matt Stephens have exactly the same expression as you…


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